A fertility story

fertility like snowflakes
Birth is like snowflakes, no two are alike.
I have said this a million times but what I should of repeated along with it is:
Getting pregnant is like snowflakes, no two fertility stories are the same.
Telling stories has a purpose. It helps us understand the human side to life.
Here is my human side to fertility.

I have four children but getting pregnant wasn’t a fast thing for my body. I always had far apart periods; 30 to 45 days apart (the average was every 28 days just like the full moons). I did not use birth control but only got pregnant once a year. To be clear there were lots of opportunities for the squiggly sperm to make its journey to the robust egg. I am pretty sure the egg was feeling fine but just didn’t want to be bothered. SHE (the egg) seemed to love the month of July. She got very social that month because in July 1979 she danced with the squiggly guy. Unfortunately two months later the pregnancy ended. Another year goes by and every month SHE didn’t want to be bothered until July came. But again, two months later the pregnancy ended. Another year goes by and after months of keeping HERSELF closed off, July comes and she danced, and nine months later my first child was born. Breastfeeding kept HER from dancing three months later (July) but SHE couldn’t hold back any longer the following July, seeing as I had just stopped breastfeeding, and nine months later my second son was born.

What I am hoping to relay to other women is not the sensual dance of the egg but the fact our body’s are not always reading the science journals. They usually react a certain way but sometimes they just dance to their own set of musicians. If I was trying to plan my life out and get pregnant in say…August, I would of been pretty fearful or untrusting of my body by June. That would be 10 months of waiting. By 10 months I would of thought my body was malfunctioning. At this point, if I was a planner, I would of been reading the text books, doing my research and probably already been to my OB/GYN to see why my body was failing me. I might of already taken some new drug that might solve my “problem”.

What I wouldn’t of know was that I didn’t have a problem. That my body did know how to carry a baby just fine. That my body knew how to birth a baby just fine. It just had it’s own time schedule.

Even the miscarriages that I had were natures way of knowing what my body needed. I do not have a scientific reason as to why they happened. I think that the formation of their little bodies were possibly not happening like they needed to or my body was not ready to be a mama yet. I do not know. The experience did prepare my emotions to understand the process of being a mother. It allowed me a very slow transition into caring for a child on a daily basis. I view it as perfect for what my life journey is and was.

Fast forward six years and I am in a new relationship and we both really want a child together. After a year and a half go by with us trying to wake the egg up and get her dancing, NOTHING. So I decide to add some chemistry into the situation, my own natural drug Dong Quai in tincture form. I took that and did Kundalini Yoga for two weeks straight. BOOM. The egg was twerking. Now I know it may of had nothing to do with the tincture or the yoga but  I do think, if nothing else, the yoga relaxed me enough into being more chill overall. Chill enough to allow my body the space it needed. I was pregnant once again. I actually thought maybe my body could not do the whole pregnant thing again. That it had retired from that department. Even though I had two children I had yearned for another. So I can relate to others that yearn for a little one in their lives. But the egg had decided to dance after all and nine months later a little boy was born.
My body had shifted over the long break. Had I thought my body was malfunctioning I might of really thrown things off by interrupting it with artificial drugs. I will never be sure what would of happened with allopathic drugs and to be clear, I do think there are cases where they have helped others.  For my story, the only story I have,  I am grateful I was patient. This story is to remind us how different we all are, that we are not text books, we are women with multi prisms stories.

My lesson in surrender was not over. This story has two sides to the coin. The side where I have to let go to get pregnant and the side where I have to let go after getting pregnant. We thought we were done after three boys but unbeknown to me my egg decided to twerk again a year and a half later. This was with us being very careful not to bother HER. Great strides were taken not to send any rhythm HER way. In my mind I was done. My mind thought my body did not have it in her to be pregnant one more time, let alone raise another baby into a little person. But the planning mind once again does not always know what the actual life journey of my human experience needs. Nine months later a little girl arrived in my world. I needed this little girl to be part of my life. I surrendered to this life experience and my heart song got a lot stronger. I had the joy of four children to follow me around like little ducklings follow the mother duck. For years I got to waddle this way and that and they just waddled along with me. Now they are all making their own journeys in life.
I just wanted to share this with whomever finds its journey useful. Thank you and please share so OUR woman stories vibrate into the future.

Get out of our own way.

talk to soulSo this meme was on Soul Seekers Facebook page.  Rebekah is a friend and her page often has uplifting or soul searching post. I sent it to a friend who recently has vertigo pretty bad for about a week. We did some work together to relieve her lingering symptoms and it seemed to work. This meme resonated to me for her.
Here is some more thought on this.
To get out of our way is such a tough one. We are told to push ahead and push and push. This needs to happen but I think our definition of push needs to be refined now and again. I think having a plan is good. Moving forward is good. Following up with things in a timely manner is key.
(So now I need to shift the conversation from my life perspective.)

But so often I just have to step aside and let the chips fall. If I am really attached to something happening, it is often a sign I am pushing too hard. Once i relax into it, let go of weather it needs to be in my life or not. Let go of the fear of it not being there. This is where the sweet spot lies. This is where it either will or will not happen (after I have lined all I can line up for it to happen). When it happens I get excited, when it doesn’t happen I am not devastated. So often, if it doesn’t happen, later on I can so see how it really wasn’t the right path. But if  I slack and never line it up then I often think back and wonder what it would of been like had I lined it up. A mourning of sorts. I am working on letting those go also. But learning to step it up if it is really something I want in my life. Which circles around to letting the results of this ‘stepping up’ go. Walk the path but be prepared for the path to end or veer off in a direction you never new existed. But also be ready for the path you envisioned to be there in all its glory. 

Jammie dancing

jammies

I wrote this after reading a post from a woman who was inspired by a 90 yr old woman. It listed 20 things she advised to live a happy life. I just couldn’t wrap my head around the suggestion of put your makeup on and dress nice every morning when you wake up even if you have no where to go. I have spent the last eight years not having to work anywhere for what one would call a real job. I have many projects, some make me money and some don’t. I love dressing up in fun clothing, sometimes conventional, sometimes pretty wild. I also love staying in my jammie’s all day.

I am very happy with my life and feel really good about myself. I take offense at people thinking they have to be “presentable” to others to feel good about themselves. What does that even mean? Men go every day not wearing makeup. I love a man’s face and I love a woman’s face. I love when people decorate their faces, it is fun and often beautiful. I just don’t see it as a day to day neccesity.  I also don’t think it should be on a list of what women should do to be happy. I would of loved it if it had been on her personal list of what made her happy but not as a recommendation to all woman.

I actually took pause for a moment after reading this list, and like any good person that listens to ones elders wisdom, I pondered this message and thought maybe I have been doing it all wrong. I pondered it for a very short ponder and shook it off and started dancing with my headphones on and watched my reflection dancing in the turned off T.V.

Best advise two days before you give birth.

A woman due in two days watched the documentary: The Business of Being Born by Ricky Lake….. and stated she felt “Nauseated… sick to my stomach.  The images that were disturbing are still flashing in my mind. ugh.”
The Facebook discussion went on to have 68 comments. Here is some of that…. FB chat person…….to the mom…..and back….and forth.
Comments like:
” I reached down and pulled him out”……”I had no idea i could request to pull the baby out myself. Im so glad u said something!!!!!!!!!!!!”
             “They wanted to cut me but my husband said I didnt need it, so they didn’t”…….”Can i say no don’t cut me?”
             “My due date is 14th but my doctor has me scheduled for an induction one day later, on the 15th”…. “I had to be induced when I was only 38 weeks along”…..”I had to be induced at 34 weeks because of a placental abruption”…….”Due dates are an estimate. Women go to 41, and 42 weeks all the time. Babies know when to be born.”
………another women wrote, “I’ve assisted with 65 births and some of the most beautiful births I’ve witnessed were in the hospital and with many necessary interventions”…..”Birth is a natural and normal life event. A gestation longer than 40 weeks is not, in itself, a medical emergency.”
I felt the last two days are not the time to panic and doubt yourself. Do what you can to get the birth you want, change what is possible, shift what needs to be shifted and then let it go. So many people put their fears onto her. One went as far as to say, “not to scare you, but I had a friend who let her baby cook too long and eneded up having a still born”.
She replied, “thats the last thing i wanna hear! eeekk! My back n forth of this whole decision stems from being afraid of making the “wrong” decision and possibly putting my baby at risk.”
This is how so much of the intervention gets sold to mothers. FEAR!!!!
“You don’t want to hurt your child do you?” “You want the best for your child don’t you?”
The answer should be, “Yes I want the best for my child which is why I am informing myself of my choices, looking at how the human body preforms naturally and seeking out more than one opinion.”
The best advise I can give to someone two days before their due date is very simple.
Breath in and feel the breath rejuvenate every cell in your body. Now breath out and feel anything that is not serving your well being leave your body with the breath. Release all negative thoughts, fears, sorrows, disappointments with each breath. Now breath in everything you do want, joy, peace, trust, health. This is what you and the baby need.
You are empowered and strong. You will do your very best with what you have at this moment and that is enough.
Yes it is important to educate yourself from those you trust but trust that you know enough. When meeting with your birth team let everyone know what you want in a loving, firm, empowered way. Your body has the DNA of women’s instincts since the beginning of time. We know what to do, our baby’s know what to do. Once you are ready to give birth, trust this and let others around you know that your body knows what to do. When you look someone in the eye and say, “I know what I need and this is not it, or I know what I need and this is it”, they will listen. When you get to a point when you don’t know, use your support teams help and trust them if it feels right. 

Facilitated Blessingways

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Jenna’s Blessingway

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Blessing Way
Blessing Way

A Blessingway is for a soon-to-be-mother to gather other women and celebrate the life inside and the process of becoming a mother. By passing on ceremony’s from Native American wise women of yesterday and wise women of today, a mother is blessed with song, rhythm, and loving hands that at times give massage, braid hair, make bracelets out of beads everyone brings and special words of encouragement along with much more. Food and drink is shared and sometimes henna bellies and henna hands are created. A memory like no other, that is a Blessingway.

I am available to facilitate Blessing Ways. Contact me, Jeanie Williamson, at jeanstarbo@hotmail.com or call me at 239-898-9841.

For More Info click here.

Idea for Halloween

Halloween custom (for next year-too cute to loose)
I can’t believe I got this from Germain Toyota. Kudos to them. 

Pick a Pun

In a pinch, embrace your punny side and use it to create a costume that requires little to no energy. Here are a few examples to get you started:

  • Wear some glasses. Stick a small stack of post-it notes to one side. You’re an eye-pad. “iPad.” Get it?
  • Find some mini cereal boxes. Eat the cereal (optional). Stab the boxes with plastic knives and attach them to your shirt. You are a “cereal killer.” Har-har.
  • Attach a leaf with a string to a baseball cap. Wear the baseball cap. Occasionally blow on the leaf, and you are a “leaf-blower.” Look at you; your costume is both hilarious and appropriately themed for fall.

You’ll definitely get some groans with these options, but don’t worry. It’s not because your costume is lame. It’s clearly because everyone else does not appreciate your witty, effortless sense of humor.

Channel your Inner Jim Halpert.

Get a marker. Make sure it isn’t permanent. Double check that it isn’t permanent. Write “book” across your face. Facebook. Bam.

Sushi in a Snap

This one will look like you actually tried. Dress in all white, and grab a colorful pillow and some black cloth or duct tape. Attach the pillow to your back using your chosen black implement and voila, you are a piece of nigiri (fish over sushi rice). Finish off the look by sticking some chopsticks in your hair.

Hello! My name is…

Fill in the blank of a “Hello! My name is…” sticker with a name that is not your own. This option is all about commitment and delivery. You can play the role of one of your good friends, a significant other, or choose to create your own character. Say you choose to write “Tom.” Who is Tom? What are his greatest fears, regrets, passions, and aspirations? What are his most delightful childhood anecdotes? Does he like crunchy or creamy peanut butter? Really get into the role. Or don’t, if that’s your style.

Error: Lack of Effort

This one is for all you techies out there. Take a piece of paper and write “Error 404: Costume not Found” in red or black marker on the paper, then stick it to your shirt. Cheeky.

There you go! No more excuses. Now you’re ready to enter any costume party prepared, without losing your cool, low-maintenance attitude.

– See more at: http://www.naples.germaintoyotanews.com/Articles/too-cool-for-a-halloween-costume#sthash.cSa6IEQV.dpuf

How to draw the line between passion and pest?

Wise sage passing ceremonial sage. Love the symbolism of it all.
Wise sage passing ceremonial sage. Love the symbolism of it all.

I’m a mother, grandmother, midwife and wise sage. I have been around the block a few times with babies and mama’s.

Nature is my teacher. I have strong instincts that are backed by nature, not medical personnel or books. Yet every time I turn around these days all I hear are, “This doctor says do this” or “This book says do that”. Time and time again I hear the wrong advice. I am certain there is a way nature intended things to work out and I am also certain that many people are not following those ways. The wrong advise is being moved along as if it is the right advise and it is being moved along by the people that the masses trust; doctors and nurses. Up to now our babies bodies survive all this wrong advise but there are signs of weakening.

If I speak up, it is to deaf ears. I am looked upon as being obsesive and a down right annoying. I am too natural, kind of a freak among the “normal” people just trying to be like everyone else. Many people see me as grinding against the grain. When I speak, I am a reminder of what is real and right. Their instincts know this but it is just too foreign to them, too inconvenient for them to consider.

So they buy the medication and formula and feed their toddlers potato chips and white pasta. They vaccinate the second the charts tell them and go to every doctor visit to have their child weighed and watched to determine if ‘someone’ finds them average enough. The list goes on and on. There are many great books out their but the wrong books make the number one on the Best Sellers. “What to expect when you’re expecting.” is the wrong book.

So yes!!!! My passion has driven me to be a PEST. The line between the two has been erased.  I cannot hide what I know to be right..

There is an exception to this story. There is still a strong community that adheres to the laws of nature. They are small in numbers but their passion is strong. They survive despite the main stream society’s every attempt for over a hundred years to try to wipe them out.

I Like Me

I was cleaning out things in my life that no longer serve me when I saw this aged paper written in pencil. The year I wrote it was 2002. I absolutely think it still serves me. Read it and tell me what you think.  Now write your  “I like me” post.

 

chocolate chip cookie

The things I like most about myself is the way I walk when I’m not in a hurry. Laughter feels good. It tickles your insides, bringing joy all around. I like the way my cookies taste. The chocolate chips taste the best. I like pushing on the chip when whey are hot and seeing them squish all about. I like the way my hair feels after I wash it. The way it flows all about. I like the way I dance when no ones watching. The freedom to move uninhibited  by anyone. No one to judge me. The freedom of spinning and hands flowing. Hips moving. The rhythm moves me in ways beyond explanation. Suddenly releasing emotions and realizing things there are no words on this planet for. I like meditating and feeling this overwhelming peace. That I can allow peace to enter my being with silence and breath. I breathe in peace. Peace overflows from me. I like the colors I see when I close my eyes. The shapes and lights that explode are entertaining. I like the feel of my body cuddling next to another and the only thoughts between us are how good it feels and the love we have for each other. I like to eat good food. The flavor exploding in my mouth. I like me and the sense I carry to my outer world.

Herbal first aid kit

A flyer I made

Flyer I made for 1998 class in St John

I wrote this handout back in 1998 for an herbal class I taught. It was important to me then and still is today. I feel every parent should have certain things on hand before they need them. I also feel there are less side effects from nature tonics than Pharmaceuticals so I always start with herbal or homeopath and most times I end there due to the fact they really do work.

Ear oil on left
Ear oil on left

Ear Ache: When your child wakes up at 3 am screaming and pulling at their ears you don’t want them to suffer because you don’t have any ear oil on the shelf. A drop in the ear makes most pain go away instantly. Don’t  have your child suffer. Along with relief, you are actually avoiding a worse problem which would bring on even more pain. It just seems inhumane to cause un-needed pain when ear oil is safe and effective. There are times when an abnormal ear drum or a weaken immune system that just can’t keep up makes the healing more difficult, leading to a doctors visit being the next move, but honestly, I avoided many a doctors visit by putting ear oil in right away, aiding the healing before it got out of hand. Make sure your ear oil is not old: buy once a year and keep in dark place standing straight up or it breaks down the rubber on the dropper.

Pink Eye: I would make a tea out of eyebright, strain it, then apply to the eyes with an eyedropper I had on hand. While boiling the tea I would use the water to sterilize the eye dropper.  If I didn’t have a strainer (make sure you sterilize this also) I would use a paper towel held tight over a coffee cup to pour tea in. One cup water to one tablespoon of eyebright leaves. Make sure you allow the tea to reach room temp. If you need sooner then just pour a little in cup so it can cool quickly. As an added healer, I would add a little juice to more tea and have the child drink it. Apply drops into eyes at first sign of congested eyes, meaning extra red, gunky (yellow discharge that gathers in the corner of eye or causes the eyes to seal shut). I would re-apply 3 to 4 times a day for at least 4 days up to 10 days. Even if signs of infection go away I still do drops for a couple of days to make sure it stays gone. I always saw some results in one to two days. If no results in that time then I recommend going to the doctor right away.                                                                                                                             When you apply tea make sure you drop tea in corner of eye closest to the nose and have it go toward the ear making sure not to cross contaminate the other eye.  Use fresh paper towel dampened with tea to first clean each eye of any gunk.

I had really good results from using the Nox Vomica and Arnica homeopath.

Nox Vomica and papaya enzymes work really well for stomach problems. Papaya helps with digestion where Nox Vomica is good for nervous stomach, and mystery stomach aches.

Bumps and bruises: I saw arnica take swelling down many times if given right after a fall. This is another reason I would carry it with me all the time. I used the tablets that dissolved under the tongue.

I would keep a clay type toothpaste available for any type of bug bite or sting. Took pain away almost instant. Also drew out the poison from sting. Good for zits too.

No one wants to see another human suffer, there is an added sting in our hearts when it is our children.

My motto: Be Prepared.

 

Feeding Your Baby: Part 2

 

banana, yum!
banana, yum!  Boat life. 
When you finish eating your bowl makes a perfect hat.
When you finish eating your bowl makes a perfect hat. Jeremy  living on the boat in Cruz Bay Harbor, Virgin Islands, 1983

If your baby looks healthy, then I would not introduce anything except mothers milk till the baby makes a mouthing type chewing motion. This is usually around five to six months. If you feel like it might be time to try foods, put a tiny bit on the end of a baby spoon and see what your baby does, do they make a swallowing motion or do they just spit it all out.

How do you feel about this. If they spit it all out do you feel like your baby is ready for food. I would say follow your instincts but that brings up a whole other issue addressed in another post.

If they swallow the solids, does this tell you they are ready? Don’t go by what so and so said. What do you think?

Here’s what I think. I think the baby is not ready for food until you think he is and he shows signs of receiving the food.

Following your instincts. We have so many books out there and so much tv not to mention many of our parents and friends influencing us.

How do we even know how to listen to our natural instinct? Is there any normalcy left in them? Have we erased what nature intended? Have we cultured out what is best for our babies and our bodies? Who are these experts we have been listening to for all these years? What’s the motive for the advise they give? In the last 100 years the experts have made turns in everything they have recommended. It use to be good to give ground meat as first food at two weeks old, they use to grab us by the heals and swing us upside down–ask a chiropractor what he thinks of that. Like a broken pendulum, we are all over the place on advise. Just when I think we are getting close to how nature intended, we, as a society, swing away. In the 1980’s and 90’s we seemed to be so close to doing what was best for our babies, now 70% of the time, I cringe when I see mothers with their babies.

So when someone gives you advise, think about this turn away from what nature intended and think about how many generations there have been in the last 100 years. That is four to five generations. When that person talks to you, see the wisdom streaming down but also the fear accumulated and the mis-information passed down. So you can see how experience, fear and mis-informed crammed into one brain, mixed well and left to slowly steep creates an smorgasbord of good and bad advise.

I was happy when I saw a women with her wee one in a sling at Coconut point a couple of years back, but boy did she stand out. Strollers were common but no one was carrying their baby. Peoples eyes were following her.  I saw her sit down with the baby and discretely lift her shirt-you couldn’t see her breast because the baby’s head was on her breast and her shirt was slightly covering the babies head. I give this much detail to make sure you know what I am saying because people interpret things a million ways if left too vague. I walked up to her and told her how great it was to see her nurse and using a sling. She smiled and said thanks with a foreign accent.

1.) I was so happy to see something positive and what should be “normal” that I had to give her encouragement.

2.) You “normally” see babies being carried in their car seats or strollers instead of someones arms.

The Webster dictionary describes NORMAL two ways:

  • usual or ordinary : not strange
  • mentally and physically healthy

These definitions apply to the two sentences above. Can you match the definition to the sentence?

This is a powerful lesson in differentiating between parenting instinct and parenting conditioning. When you read something in a book or hear someone say something and it doesn’t feel right, odds are it is not right. Do a bit of research, check their sources, then decide where you really sit with this information you heard.

 Baby’s first finger food:

  • Pears cubed, pears are good because they almost melt in the mouth.
  •  Avocado is first food. It is not very sweet so it teaches the mouth to like vegetables and not just sugary fruits.
  • Banana, peas
  • If you do Cheerios then look for a sugar-free brand in the health food store. There is processed sugar in Cheerios but good news is they are now GMO free.
  • Not really first food but great finger food. Start around a year. Sprout balls and tofu cubed ~~Plain organic tofu-firm cubed.  Cut tofu in bite size squares and sprinkle with nutritional yeast and a tiny bit of spike for the older kids for flavor and B vitamins. Roll sprouts in half-inch loose balls and sprinkle in yeast.
Would love to hear your suggestions for babies first food. Please leave a comment below.